Help, I Need Protection!

Issue 28

The twins were sitting in their play pen, or play den in modern parlance, deciding whether they were happy or about to cry. They had discovered that crying attracted the large things who then gave them attention, picked them up and allowed some hair pulling to commence.

Twin one decided that she needed to be picked up so the crying began. The large thing with a beard approached as the twin stood and rattled the bars of her cage. He picked her up and she immediately stopped her tears and grabbed two handfuls of what hair Daddy had left. This amused her more than Daddy. Daddy prised her away from his reddening scalp and slipped her under his left arm whilst magically bringing forth a dummy and offering it to his baby daughter. She accepted it gratefully and seemed content to suck on it and be cradled by the thing with a beard. At this point twin two decided she was missing out.

Daddy said something that neither baby had heard before but both made a mental note of the word so they could use it at some point in the future when their speech had developed sufficiently. Twin one was swiftly put on a play-mat and given a talking piggy bank to play with. Twin two was gathered from the pen and she immediately grabbed the two tufts her sister had previously attached herself to. Daddy magically produced another dummy and twin two was prised away from the glowing scalp and placed next to her sister on the floor. Daddy groaned as he sat on the floor next to them and began to feed the piggy bank with coins. “One! Two!” the pig gleefully announced.

A few minutes later he was relieved to see Mummy reappear after setting away another load of washing. The machine seemed to be have been in perpetual motion since the twins had arrived. “These two are wearing me out,” he opined. “I will have to sort out the life insurance so you are all protected. And I know what we need. A Family Income Benefit insurance will pay a tax-free income if I die up to the end of a fixed term. So, if I put one in place for 21 years that should see them through university. The cost for a 30-year-old male for £3,000 per month, increasing with inflation, is only around £16 per month. We can afford that.” “We can’t afford to be without it with you being self-employed.” Mummy added, “And I have been saying this for some time.” Mummy was quite strident. The twins thought they heard Daddy mutter that word again. “I will get on to it straight away, darling. I will call Rutherford Hughes and get it sorted.” “You should get them to review all our protection needs as you may need some help if I go before you.” “Good idea, I will call them now.” With the call and appointment made, Daddy sat back on the sofa with a glass of his special medicine, determined to change the channel from Baby TV (Sky channel 623) to some sporting event. However, there were loud noises from the kitchen, where the babies were feeding, and a crash followed by a pleading, “Darling, can you help?” Daddy thought of some new words that the babies were yet to hear.

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