Is British Behaviour A ClichÉ?

There are some well-established stereotypes of the British. We like to queue, we say sorry to other people even when it is their fault and there is nothing we like more than a nice cup of tea.

I am not going to argue with any of those, but there are some clichés of British behaviour which are becoming less true over time, and one of those is complaining. According to conventional wisdom, we British hate complaining and will do almost anything to avoid it. “Yes, the food is lovely,” we will reply to our waiter, despite it being cold and scarcely edible. We have a long tradition of suffering in silence rather than make a fuss and cause an embarrassing scene.

Is this true? Well, it’s not easy to get hard and fast evidence, but if you talk to anyone working in the service industries, I think many would say that Brits these days are quite prepared to raise a concern if they believe they are in the right. If you extend the category to include schools, then many staff would echo that view; parents do seem to be much readier now to come forward when they are not happy with some aspect of their child’s school or education.

Of course, a readiness to raise concerns with a school is to be welcomed in many ways. Schools are hugely complex organisations; even a relatively small one such as mine has over a hundred employees and five hundred children. Mistakes do happen, often through a lack of communication internally or miscommunication with pupils or parents. Very rarely is the cause of a complaint more serious; most staff working in schools are committed to doing the best job that they can. As a Head, I want to know if there are any issues or weaknesses in what we are doing; I can’t do anything about them if I’m not aware they exist.

Having said that, there are ways and means of raising concerns that are more effective than others. It’s not hard to see why, but complaints in the contexts of schools can quickly become highly emotive issues. That can apply to parents who are hugely invested in their children and their education (and in the case of an independent school, an investment which has a considerable financial aspect too).

It is worth remembering too that it is also true of the staff at the school. Of course, that’s because they take their jobs seriously but it’s something more than that. Teaching is a remarkably personal profession. Perhaps we’re oversensitive, but a complaint about are teaching seems to strike at the very core of our being and can produce an emotional, highly defensive response.

So, if you do have a concern about something at your child’s school, how should you raise it? Obviously it depends on the nature of the issue and its severity, but I would offer a few general tips which should lead to the situation being resolved as amicably as possible.

First, and most important, is stick to the facts. Report your understanding of the issue neutrally and objectively, tempting though it may be to present the view entirely from your child’s perspective. Don’t exaggerate and don’t allow the WhatsApp chat to distort your perspective; comments such “I am not the only parent who thinks this,” aren’t particularly helpful as you are rarely a representative for the parent body as a whole. Give the school time to respond to your concerns and accept the fact that some problems may not have easy solutions – parking around the school site, for example, is not an issue the school is likely to have much control over. Allow the school to follow its own procedures and accept that you won’t always get feedback about the outcome if it needs to remain confidential. Finally, and most importantly, do what is best for your child. Sometimes that is to support them through difficult times; sometimes that is to accept that they too have made a mistake and encourage them to learn from it.