Wow. That's quite a claim. How to Beat Fear'. It's quite a claim because, I think, fear is the biggest enemy of your potential - bar none. Fear keeps most people sub-optimal for almost their entire lives.
So how do we beat fear? Quickly and completely, I mean. So that you, me and everybody else can address the achievement of their potential unhindered? Try this. First, let’s have a clear set of chronological milestones to internalise and work through. Maybe they’ll keep us focussed.
1. Remove fear.
2. Replace fear with confidence.
3. Be unashamedly you’. The most curious, wide eyed, enthusiastic and energetic version of you possible.
4. Live an endlessly fearless and happy life, clearly identifying then staring hungrily at your own unique potential squarely in the face, maybe for the very first time ever. Because this time, fear isn’t going to get in your way.
5. Fearlessly develop ways to become that very best version of you. Good plan! But how do you actually do it? Here are some insights to help you on your way.
The Story of You
Let’s take a look at the role fear plays in our lives, over four phases.
PHASE 1: You aged zero to two – The Age of Fearlessness You’re little. You don’t understand fear. You don’t really know what it is. Apart from your early fear of loud noises and falling over. But that’s just basic self-preservation. So most of the time you explore and you adventure. Pretty much anything goes.
PHASE 2: You aged three to five – The Age of Natural Fears In this phase, you start to recognise bumps and scrapes. Needs and wants. Friends and enemies. Sharing and selfishness. Togetherness and loneliness. You start to fear, naturally, getting physically hurt and not having what you want when you want it. This starts to change you. You may have the odd tantrum. But nothing should be too big a deal because nothing feels permanent and nothing cuts too deep in this phase. So, largely, you’re OK.
PHASE 3: You aged six to (you choose an age here) – The Age of Learned Fears You now begin to shape and make learned fears. Fears that contain you. Fears that hold you back. Fears that actually make you pause. Others ridicule your quirks. They point out and make you feel uneasy about your uniqueness – the things that make you different. They tell others about your mistakes, too. So everything gets muddled. You question things. You worry. You fear what people think of you. And these learned fears breed more fears. So you stop going with your gut. Creativity suffers. Paralysis sets in. And you shrink.
PHASE 4: You aged (the to’ age you chose in PHASE 3) to the age you die – The Age of Fearlessness (again) You – somehow – wake up to the fact what others think of you matters only as much as you allow it to. Your thinking clears. Your confidence rises. Fear disappears. And you start to do things for you. Next, keeping these four stages in mind as insights, here are three more things to notice in order to live a more confident, fearless and happy life:
1. Anything learned can be unlearned.
2. Confidence and fearlessness feed into and from each other because confidence erodes fear and fear erodes confidence. (You are clearly most confident in stages one and four above).
3. You choose your you choose an age here’ age. No one else.
Why Beating Fear is Worth It
There’s this great big chunk of time in any person’s life, including yours, normally between (about) seven years old and (about) 60 years old – so that’s about two thirds of your entire life (!) – where fear erodes confidence, and this lack of confidence results in less happy and fulfilled days. And potential falls by the wayside. You know it’s true. Because kids are bonkers. Older people, once they wake up to the fact what others think of them matters only as much as they allow, are bonkers too. You’ve seen younger and older people like this. And bonkers is great!
Pick an Age
So all you have to do now, to be more confident, fearless and happy – is to choose when to start phase four. (I have a suggestion about that. And it’s a good one). My suggestion is, now we’ve opened our eyes to the four phases, how about choosing to start phase four at the age you are now? Over to you.
