By Andrew Silver, 360 Growth Partners
A question came up in a recent coaching conversation that has stayed with me: how do you know if you’re actually a good leader?
We were talking about leadership role models. The people we had worked with who brought out the best in us, and equally, those who taught us how not to lead.
Simon Sinek talks in Leaders Eat Last about people willingly following leaders when they feel safe and supported by them. But there’s an interesting challenge when you’re the founder, MD or CEO.
Who tells you how you’re doing?
Many of the business owners I work with are what I’d call accidental leaders.
They didn’t necessarily set out to manage a growing team. They spotted an opportunity, built something people wanted and, through a mixture of expertise, determination and probably a fair amount of hard graft, found themselves leading a business.
The job changes.
Doing everything yourself is gradually replaced by setting direction, developing people, making difficult decisions and demonstrating the behaviours you expect from everyone else.
And yet, the further up an organisation you go, the less honest feedback you can sometimes receive.
There’s no boss conducting your appraisal. Your team may understandably hesitate to challenge you. And it’s very easy to surround yourself with people who broadly agree with you.
That can become an echo chamber.
I often use the phrase “feedback is the food of champions.” If we genuinely want to improve, we need people who are prepared to tell us what we might not necessarily want to hear.
The important word there is prepared.
Good developmental feedback requires trust. You need to know it is being given because someone wants you to succeed, not because they want to score a point. And giving that feedback takes courage too.
One simple exercise I use is Stop, Start, Continue.
Ask people you trust:
What should I stop doing?
What should I start doing?
What should I continue doing?
Then comes the difficult bit: listen.
Don’t immediately explain or defend. Be curious about what sits behind the feedback and give yourself time to reflect on it.
That might come from your team, a peer, a mentor, a coach or a trusted critical friend. Ideally, probably more than one of them.
Leadership development doesn’t happen on a course or in a coaching session alone. Most of it happens in the everyday interactions, decisions and conversations we have at work.
But if you’re the person everyone else is looking towards, occasionally you need someone willing to hold the mirror up to you too.
And when they do? Be grateful, reflect on what you’ve heard and, most importantly, decide what you’re going to do differently.
If any of this feels familiar and you’d value a sounding board, I’m always happy to have a conversation. Get in touch at andrew@360growthpartners.co.uk