By Tess Peters, Founder, Accelerator Coaching
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
George Bernard Shaw
I have had three coaching conversations this week, and every single one of them has circled back to the same place: a leader who is carrying work that should belong to someone else on their team, and a feedback conversation that hasn’t happened yet.
Delegation and accountability come up constantly in my coaching work. Not because leaders don’t understand the theory – most of them could talk about it fluently – but because when it comes to actually sitting down and saying the thing that needs to be said, something stalls.
I ran a Gear 5 workshop this week on authentic leadership, and the room lit up when we got onto feedback. Not because people were excited to give it, but because they recognised themselves in the avoidance. The relief of hearing someone say “you’re not the only one who finds this hard” was palpable.
The Conversation Behind the Conversation
Here’s a version of an exchange I have regularly. The names and details are changed, but the pattern is real.
A senior leader – let’s call her Sarah – came to a session frustrated. She was working late most evenings, picking up tasks her direct report, James, should have owned. When I asked what was getting in the way of handing them back, she said: “He’s just not ready.”
We unpicked that. James had been in the role for over a year. He’d had the training. What he hadn’t had was a clear, honest conversation about what was expected and what would happen if it didn’t land.
Sarah wasn’t protecting James from the work. She was protecting herself from the discomfort of the conversation. And every week she didn’t have it, the pattern got harder to break.
Three models that help
When I work with leaders on this, I draw on three frameworks that move things from avoidance to action.
1. The Skill-Will Matrix. Before you have the conversation, get clear on what you’re actually dealing with. Is this a capability gap or a motivation gap? The conversation you need to have – and the support you offer afterwards – looks very different depending on the answer. Sarah assumed James lacked skill. In reality, he’d never been given clear ownership, so his will had quietly eroded.
2. SBI: Situation-Behaviour-Impact. This framework takes the heat out of feedback. Instead of “You’re not stepping up,” you say: “In last week’s client meeting [situation], you deferred every question to me [behaviour], which meant the client left unclear about who their point of contact is [impact].” Specific. Observable. Not personal.
3. Clear Contracting. Feedback without follow-through is just venting. After the conversation, agree what changes, by when, and how you’ll both know it’s working. Write it down. Revisit it. This is where delegation actually becomes accountability – not through surveillance, but through a shared understanding of what good looks like.
The Invitation
If you’re reading this and recognising yourself in Sarah’s story, you’re in good company. The question isn’t whether you know what to do. It’s whether you’re willing to feel uncomfortable long enough to do it.
The conversation you’re avoiding is almost certainly shorter, kinder, and less dramatic than the version you’ve been rehearsing in your head. Have it this week.
Tess Peters is the founder of Accelerator Coaching. She works with leaders and teams on the conversations that matter most.
acceleratorcoaching.co.uk