Why do you even need to pause and think about communications? You are a great communicator' certainly you're not a bad communicator' are you? Have you ever stopped to wonder if that's true?
I ask these questions because so many people assume that they are great communicators without putting any thought as to why. When I ask’ most people tell me that they have been communicating all of their lives and they don’t often get negative feedback on their communication skills.
Does this make them (or you) good or great communicators? The answer is probably not. Communication is a learned skill and like so many skills it needs purposeful practice’ a reminder of the basics and learning new skills and techniques.
When done well’ communications (even in its simplest form) can motivate’ encourage’ enthuse and engage your team’ your suppliers’ your customers even your other half! I have seen people who are able’ with a few simple words spoken at the right time and in the right tone motivate someone who was previously a huge sack of apathy. I regularly see people speak at events most of them brighten the room (only a small handful brighten the room when they shut up and leave). Where is it then’ that people go so wrong when communicating. For me it falls into these key areas:
They assume rather than ask’ clarify or seek to really understand.
They communicate for themselves rather than others.
They focus more on sending rather than receiving information.
How then’ do we all go about avoiding these common traps:
For assumptions the starting point is to be aware that we all have and use assumptions regularly and usefully. We assume we know how to use a chair or a door (most of the time we get this right) and that is a useful assumption to carry around. We need to raise our attentiveness to when assumptions creep into our communications. Even before we communicate’ what assumptions are we making about a person when we first see them. Have you ever done this at a networking event? I know I have assumed so and so would be boring or unhappy and its always exciting when this isn’t true. It’s great when your assumptions get challenged as this makes you think very much more about how you interact with others. Before any type of communications (especially the really important meetings’ presentations or discussions) how about pausing to identify the assumptions you are making. This way you can seek to check if they are just your assumptions or if they are true. You do this by asking simple questions’ before we begin’ can I just check…
Communicating for yourself rather than others falls into a number of categories. One is in the language you use. Words that mean something significant to you might mean something completely different to a supplier or a client. If you aren’t sure about this try naming and describing a shade of green or blue to your other half’ a member of your family or a close friend. Don’t blame me for the argument about teal or aquamarine! When you pause to think about what information the other person might like and how they might like to receive this information then you start to spot opportunities. These opportunities could be to send information first’ share written information before’ during or after a meeting or use a method of communication that works best for them and not you. When you make others more comfortable in communications you get so much more from them.
Focusing on sending rather than receiving information is a common trait we see in lots of forms of communications. Let me be clear if I have asked you to do a 10 minute presentation that would involve you sending most (if not all) of the information. If’ on the other hand’ you are meeting me as a potential client for your products or services I expect you to be very much in receiving mode so you can fully understand what is important to me.
We recently chose a new supplier at New Results based on the strength of how well someone listened to our specific needs and played them back to us. You would think this would be an easy ask but you would be surprised by how many potential suppliers simply focused on throwing information at us. The simple approach here is become more curious. I know some of you are already very curious (certainly the readers I have met!). I mean develop your professional curiosity about others around you. Ask better questions’ really listen to answers’ and then dig to make sure you really understand and appreciate what others are telling you. Simple questions work best here – tell me more about that’ explain what that means to you’ or describe the outcome in lots of detail to me. Communication should be easy. It’s not. The great news is by applying these simple techniques you can make a huge difference between being average (or below average) in communication to becoming a communications superstar. When you are a communications superstar people want to talk to you’ they want to share more information and want to spend more time with you. All of those things help you grow strong’ deep’ long lasting relationships.
Drop me a line if you want to know more on this one’ I am always more than happy to sit down and have a listen to you.
