By Liz Atkin
Leadership – Warmth With Backbone
From time to time I’ve been asked what it is that makes someone a leader people actually want to follow. Here’s my take.
It’s not just confidence or authority. It’s not even charisma. From my experience, it’s the combination of strength and warmth, and how those qualities show up in the way we communicate.
When we encounter another person, we instinctively look for evidence: Are they up to the job? And do they have our interests at heart?
In other words, we’re constantly assessing both their competence and their warmth.
Naturally, we want leaders who can make decisions, hold boundaries and provide direction. But we also want to see their human side – the stuff that makes them just like us. We want to feel heard, respected and understood.
Getting the balance right takes a fair bit of wisdom and judgement. Some leaders find this easier than others, but it’s well worth taking the time to understand how to communicate in a way that satisfies both logic and emotion – and as a result, builds trust.
Without this kind of attention, communication can quickly become problematic.
A leader who communicates with plenty of strength but little warmth can come across as cold, intimidating or dismissive.
A leader who prioritises warmth but avoids difficult conversations can appear indecisive, inconsistent or lacking authority.
Neither is particularly helpful when you’re trying to build trust or influence behaviour.
You could say that the sweet spot is “warmth with backbone.” And communication is where people experience it.
If you consider the difference between:
“This is what we’re doing. I’ve made the decision” and:
“I know this isn’t an easy decision, and I appreciate the concerns you’ve raised. I’ve listened carefully. But having weighed everything up, this is the direction we’re taking – and I’m going to explain why….”
The second message hasn’t sacrificed strength – the decision is still the decision. But the communication signals something important: “I have heard you, I have thought about this, and I am still prepared to lead.”
This matters because humans don’t respond to information purely rationally. Behavioural economics tells us that context, emotion, perceived fairness and social cues all influence how we interpret decisions. We don’t just listen to ‘what’ a leader says. We also pay attention to ‘how’ they say it, what they leave unsaid, and what this tells us about their intentions.
Which means that every conversation is doing more than transferring information. It’s either building or eroding trust.
And this of course becomes particularly important during change, uncertainty or conflict. When people feel threatened or unsure, they look for cues from those around them. We all do it, it’s human nature.
A leader who communicates with warmth can reduce the sense of threat. A leader who communicates with strength provides clarity and certainty. You need both.
Demonstrating warmth doesn’t mean avoiding challenge. In fact, some of the most respectful and trust-building communication can be a difficult conversation handled well. It’s a sign of someone who is sufficiently secure in their authority to communicate like a human being.
The way a leader communicates answers the question every employee is asking, consciously or otherwise: “Can I trust this person to make the right decisions, and do they actually care about people like me?”
Simply said, your communication is giving them the answer.
Get in touch if you have communication issues in your workplace. My workshops, CPD sessions and strategic support will surface the problems and provide the solutions you need.
liz@refreshingcomms.co.uk