By Annabel Graham, Executive and Team Coach, and Director of Successful Training, Leadership & Coaching Consultancy.
I talk about how we show up as leaders daily as an executive coach and leadership facilitator. Leaders often have great definitions of how they want to be as a leader; read your last CV for an example. We do forget though that how people experience us, says more about who we are and what we stand for, than anything else.
So, I’m going to ask you a simple question – how are you showing up?
How we show up in our lives, with our family, in our jobs, with our teams is how other people experience us.
If we show up distracted, juggling multiple things, others will experience us as not paying attention or being present.
If we are running between back to back meetings, cancelling appointments as our diaries are too full; others will feel they don’t matter and they aren’t important.
If we come into the office and get stuck into work without saying hello, others will think we are in a bad mood.
So I ask you again – how would you like to show up?
How we show up and how we are being is something we can choose. We sometimes feel that we have no choice, that circumstances are forcing us to be a certain way but that isn’t true. We are choosing to be influenced by the circumstances around us. We are entirely in control of our response to every situation. We do though, have to recognize this, and take personal responsibility for our behaviour and our actions. When we do that, we start to notice how we are being, what emotions we are feeling and how we are coming across. Then we can choose how we want to be and how we will respond to those frustraters around us. In doing that, we can take more control of our emotions, our day, our focus and our lives – and get much better outcomes.
Let’s look at some examples…
You decide to value your time, and put boundaries in place to protect it.
Consequence – you shorten meetings to create space, cancel ones you don’t need to go to or delegate to others. This enables you to do more meaningful work, your feel less rushed and you no longer feel overwhelmed as you have space to think.
You decide to be positive rather than grumpy and frustrated, no matter what the situation
Consequence – people experience you as positive, they want to be around you and you have great conversations. Others are more relaxed in what they say and do around you as they are no longer afraid about how you will react.
You decide to be honest, and have difficult conversations (phrasing them tactfully)
Consequence – you give feedback regularly to your everyone. This enables you to build trust and have better relationships. You are able to debate and discuss issues calmly, rather than getting frustrated by assumptions and misunderstandings. You clear the air quickly, and you are nicer to be around.
These are simply examples, you can choose any changes you want. Think about where you are not getting the responses from people you would like or expect; these are indicators you may need to adjust how you are showing up.
If you aren’t sure what you want to be different, then consider what you don’t want to happen. By deciding what we don’t want, we can then start to choose what we would like instead. All of the things you don’t want can be changed, you just have to decide what you are prepared to do differently.
How then do you want to show up in your role? How do you want people to experience you, and what do you want them to be feeling and saying?
Remember, the common denominator in all your interactions is you – change how you show up, you change everything else as a result.