Readers will recall that last month, John and Jack were running their shoe manufacturers, Such Cobblers, after the death of George who was Production Director and a one third shareholder. Mildred, George's rather blousy wife, had wanted to take his seat on the Board but Jack, in particular, had objected. John and Jack also had to change their remuneration policy from low salary and high dividends to high salary. This was to avoid paying Mildred because she did not contribute to running of the business.
What follows is best read in the style of Sir Terry Wogan and the Janet and John stories from his radio programme. Jack and John are in the Boardroom discussing the business. Things are not going well.
John lisped, The sales figuress are wather disappointing.
Jack barked, Its worse than that. Production has gone to hell in a handcart. We are getting so many returns for poor quality it is ruining our reputation. We should never have made the old foreman, Pimple, Production Manager but we had no-one else and couldn’t afford to recruit.
Didn’t The Chap from Rutherford Hughes suggest something about lock person insurance? said John.
KEY MAN, you imbecile shouted Jack.
Yes, he did, and it would have given us money to recruit and train George’s replacement and provided us with a buffer to protect our profits whilst we were doing this, he continued.
So why didn’t we take it out? queried John.
Because we thought it wouldn’t happen to us responded Jack.
We were naïve as it wasn’t expensive. Just then George’s widow, Mildred, bursts in followed by a sweating Mr. Pimple who holds his handkerchief to his brow.
Sorry, your honours, but I couldn’t stop her. She just flashed past me.
I didn’t show him anything, Mildred protested.
She swung her fulsome figure to face John and Jack square on.
Now boys, we need to sort this out. I want my dividends back. My puppies are wasting away. John looked confused.
The day before he died, George bought me two Lhasa Apso.
Isn’t that a type of tea? queried John.
There was a moment’s silence. Jack then spoke, No, Mildred, you cannot have the dividend. You add nothing to the running of the business and its success.
Okay, smiled Mildred, then you can have a choice. Either you reinstate the dividend policy or
(Drum roll)
.you buy my shares at full market value. Your choice, boys. You can’t give us an ultimatum like that, growled Jack.
Oh, but I can, she purred, but with hidden menace. If you care to read Section 994 of The Companies Act 2006 it covers unfair prejudice against shareholders and states that I can apply to the Court for an order to force you.
So, it’s up to you. Do you want to play nice or do you want to play hard? John and Jack swallowed hard. Trading was tough, reserves were being used up and the bank had been putting pressure on them to reduce their borrowings since George had died. The Chap from Rutherford Hughes had suggested loan insurance but, again, they had done nothing.
That evening John returned home to Janet who, as usual, had a household implement in her hand which could be used as a weapon.
This time a frying pan. A good day? asked Janet. Not weally, said John. Mildred came in and flashed Mr. Pimple and said her puppies were getting smaller. They looked fine to me. She said we wanted to play and would be happy if it was nice or hard and she wants to be paid.
THWACK!!
See John wish he had taken more notice of The Chap from Rutherford Hughes.
